Just a Few Steps Ahead

In recent months, I've had conversations with fellow church-goers about why it sometimes seems like the meanest people in church sign up for hospitality-related work. In the past, the people serving breakfast are known to snap at you. (Although now there are much kinder faces; perhaps some of them needed to "retire.") Even a guest preacher told a story about how the ushers at his church did not simply seat you, they told you where to sit and did not stand for any protests from people who did not like the seat they were assigned.

So today I was gratified to see an usher who took her post seriously, but in a good way. I was on my way to sit in the balcony, when an usher politely asked me to step aside...so she could get to get to the balcony entrance 2 steps ahead of me where she greeted me with a purposeful "Good Morning" and handed me a bulletin.

Weighty Matters: Does being a doorkeeper in the house of the Lord include monitoring weight loss?

Ask a Silly Question...


The other day I put some Haagen-Dazs into my shopping basket, thinking that I surely didn't need it, but who cares? It was a small carton, surely it would do no harm. When I got up to the cashier and started to unload the basket, I thought about the ice cream again: Did I really need it?

As I put it on the conveyor belt, I noticed that it was slashed in the back. I needed to get going and since there was no time to go back and get a replacement, my question was answered.

The Art of Finding Lost Things

Just yesterday a friend reminded me that you never find what you are looking for when you are looking for it. Case in point: if I lose something, I often don't find it until I start looking for something else that I've misplaced. Now, car/house keys must be found immediately...everything else can wait. If I lose an earring, I may not see it again until I am looking for a headband that I can't find. The headband may turn up as I am trying to find a shirt.

So what do I have to lose to find the remote??!!

Some Men Find the Pen to Be as Effective as the Sword


I've been in several discussions about the "why" behind the popularity of Steve Harvey's book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. One person said that it was because he had a good publicist, while others just marveled that the book has taken off as it as.

I try not to hate, but I have to admit that while I am happy for his success, I wondered about the white, leather-bound special edition that they were touting around Mother's Day. Is this really gift for your mom? The mom who has everything...except a man? Or is Mother's Day one of those occasions when you give gifts to women in general? Mind you if I had a book out, I suppose I'd squeeze every single money-making opportunity I could out of it...well, maybe I'd say no to the 3-D, pop-up, comic version that acts as a flotation device.

In any case, I was looking at his high ranking on the bestseller list in the newspaper (sometimes I still read it the old-fashioned way--on paper) and my eye wandered over to my bookshelf where I saw another very popular dating advice book that had a male (co)author: He's Just Not That Into You.

And I thought, maybe that is it! Women go crazy for dating advice from men because they figure that men are the experts on their own kind. Just as kids will pay attention when someone other than their parent tells them the same thing that their parents have said, maybe women don't want advice from other women or their close friends and relatives. Getting counsel from a stranger who is unconnected to you might make it seem more objective...Somehow I don't think that it would work in reverse: men would not go crazy for an advice book about women written by a woman. (Although, you never know: I was got an earful of male dating angst this past weekend as two twenty-something who sat a few feet away from me at an outdoor cafe went over their confusion and sex lives in great detail).

Beyonce's Band of Gold

A fellow Twitter-er (@suzywelch) mentioned this essay that examines Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” through the prism of that old song "Band of Gold." As you can imagine, the writer points out that the Beyonce song expresses some rather crude, archaic sentiments, but there is also an interesting analysis of how the music drives the story of the song. Sometimes we forget that the instrumentation is saying just as much as the lyrics...

Pop’s ring cycle

Smokescreen
We had beautiful weather this past weekend. While out, I saw a man standing about 1 foot away from a car. smoking and talking. When I got closer I could see that he was talking to a young child in a car seat. What I heard was him going over the day's schedule, telling the child what they would be doing and carrying on an ongoing, but audibly one-sided dialogue.

I don't know that standing one foot away to the open window really protected the child from smoke, I admire him for keeping the lines of communication open, even while he had to have a smoke.

Saddened by Violence Against Women

I was saddened to hear more of the story about a young, pregnant woman found dead on Mother's Day in Maryland. They arrested her boyfriend, believed to be the unborn child's father. Both of their families are shocked and grieving. Members of his family say they know him and cannot imagine him doing anything like this.

And last week it was reported that Chris Brown wants the charges against him dismissed on the usual technicality. He has a good defense and they are doing what a good defense does in such cases. I couldn't have imagined it turning out any other way...and yet I shudder to think of the continuing precedent that is set when one can does not have to take responsibility for one's actions. It happens all the time and this is not the first domestic violence case in which it has happened...but that doesn't make it any less disturbing.

Live Long and Prosper


I boldly went to see a late showing of Star Trek last Friday, when I knew quite well that I would spend days trying to recover. No one said space travel was easy.

In the future, there will still be wars and conflicts; Iowa will still be filled with cornfields; a boy without a father will still rebel to drown his pain uptight nerds will still be at a loss to understand daredevils and people will still carry flasks with a little somethin' somethin' in them. Isn't it a comfort to know that the more things change, the more they stay the same?

Really though, I like the direction the took with the Star Trek prequel. It was a fantastic movie with a lot of action and a good storyline.

By the end of the movie, though, I had turned to my usual griping about the roles women, specifically women of color get to play. By then, it seemed that Uhura (played by Zoe Saldana) was only there to comfort her love interest. But then I remembered that her intelligence and competence had been established early on. She had been assertive with a superior to get the assignment she wanted and her knowledge had provided key information that the hero used to save the day. And as far as her being there to comfort someone, well back in the day audiences were scandalized when Uhura as played by Nichelle Nichols kissed William Shatner's Captain Kirk--the first kiss between an African American and a Caucasian on a television show of that type.

Her role may not have been perfectly balanced (who's is?) but Uhura did have range. And that is a lot more than many women get in movies that are primarily adventure stories that focus on male characters.

Cold Busted

In these harsh economic times, one cannot be too careful...and this is why I am so annoyed with myself for getting not one, but two speeding tickets along the same stretch of parkway. To go along with this, after the tickets arrived in the mail, I saw this newspaper headline, "Speed cameras bust taxpayers." What they meant was that not only will we be paying for speeding, we'll also be paying more for the costs of personnel to monitor and calibrate the speed cameras.

Really, I need to slow down, it seems. I looked at the dates and could not recall just where I was going. Since I have not raced to put out any fires or been a part of any other emergency operations in the recent past, I can conclude that there was no reason for me to be speeding.

When I talk to a friend about this, she pointed out something that got to my inner conspiracy theorist--it is interesting to see just where they put these cameras...often in places where you'd be expected to speed up a little, not in necessarily wealthy neighborhoods, and not where anyone is in any real danger. That parkway isn't a pedestrian walkway, it curvy so you naturally can't go ridiculously fast and it is not like you are going to roll over into a ditch because there are none.

Since I am slowing down (and it felt like I was crawling along the parkway), I've actually noticed the signs. The speed as I return home is 10 mph higher than the one I must abide by leaving home. Both times I was caught, I was going away from home. Had I been driving that same speed on the way back, there might have been no tickets...*sigh*

It's Clever (and yes, I am saying so myself)

The Other Side of Cinco de Mayo: 5 Ways to Pay Homage to the Defeated French

Hold the mayo...and the mocking


The other day when someone pointed out an error I'd made, I was reminded of the notion that you are supposed to use the sandwich method when dishing out criticism: It is better to point out an error if it is cushioned by two compliments on either side.

This really will not work in all situations, but when my mistake was pointed out, I was left thinking that I would have at least liked an open-faced sandwich.

Art Seems Different When You Get to Meet the Artist

I like art a lot, but I am much more into older and representational art than I am into abstract or modern art. But when the Smithsonian offered a press preview of a new exhibit, I was intrigued enough to go and found that I could relate to the artist's choices.

Jean Shin: Common Threads

Artist Jean Shin Honors Daily Tasks w/ "Everyday Monuments"

School Daze
Today I was reading the Examiner and came across a "Charticle" (And really I could just write a blog post on how that word amuses me. It kind of reminds me of the Statshot feature that The Onion has...except that the Charticle is supposed to be real and The Onion is being satirical.)

In any case, the "Today's Charticle" I saw was about how 4 of every 10 members of Congress have sent at least one of their kids to private school. There was more info and percentages and stuff. The point of it was the while our government officials use their priviledged positions to send their kids to private schools, they still make restrictive laws that make it difficult for everyday people to do so.

And I was reminded of this conversation I stumbled up in the kitchen at work where someone from England took Americans to task for condoning the fact that the Obamas decided to send their kids to private school. He said we were making excuses--he scoffed at the security complications being an issue--and that in other countries they'd expect their leaders to send their kids to public schools as a show of faith in the system. And when I asked what other countries these were, he couldn't name any besides England.

Americans are certainly no strangers to hypocrisy and making our own rules, but sometimes people just want to deride us because it is a fun pastime. Given the realities of DC public schools, none of us can blame them. No one said the president's kids had to be sacrificial lambs.

Recognition

We all want recognition, although sometimes it can be startling to be recognized. What am I talking about?

Well, a few weeks ago I went to a Happy Hour and went to greet someone I know who was talking to friends. One of his friends (whom I'd never met) said, "Oh! I recognize you from seeing you on X's Facebook page." I admit I was a little taken aback. True, I may have appeared on his Facebook page making a comment on in his "Friends" box...and although I have initiated this contact with the wider world, I didn't think strangers would recognize me based on a photo the size of a thumbprint.

And then yesterday I went to a press preview of an art exhibit. When I went to get my press kit, a woman I didn't know greeting me by name. Again, I was startled, but she explained that she had recognized me from the photo that is on my blog at Examiner.com. Again, not unreasonable, but still unexpected.

A few minutes later, an older Caucasian gentleman approached me and asked if I'd seen a show about Botswana with a fat woman on it. As I was taking a few seconds to decide how I wanted to respond, he went on to say that I looked like the secretary on that show. Well, I knew that he was referring to the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, and although it was not the most tactful way to begin a conversation, I could see that he meant no harm and told him that I had seen the show.

People often come up to me saying that I remind them of someone that they know. I am never that other person or even a relative of that other person, but there is some invisible thread that ties me to strangers in various places.

My desire to remain anonymous won't work if I keep putting my picture on the internet and even without that, I remain familiar simply because people can see someone else when they see me.

Interview with a Hollywood Producer

I interviewed rather energenic producer Will Packer for my blog at Examiner.com:

"Obsessed" Producer Will Packer: From Engineering to Filmmaking

Disappearing Acts

With all the businesses closing, it might be a good idea to check to see if the place you want to visit is still in business. This may a a good idea no matter what is going on with the economy, but sadly it seems especially necessary now...

On Sunday, I thought I'd stop by a grocery store down the street from church to pick up a few things...but it was boarded up.

Today, I made a stop because it today was Free Cone Day at Ben & Jerry's...but as I neared the spot, I was surprised to see that there was no line spilling out of the door. That was because Ben and Jerry's was not there anymore. And since I hadn't been in a while, I had no idea.

Now this probably doesn't relate, but since I am on the theme of what was not there...I was amused to read in a newspaper (another institution that is disappearing) that it is the anniversary of the date that Geraldo Rivera promised me and about 30 million other people that we would see the treasures of Al Capone's vault.

I was super excited about it and I think I asked to stay up late. My parents were bemused by my excitement and I think they somehow knew what would happen. And when the gin bottles and vacant space were revealed, they didn't gloat.

Never Thought I'd be Excited About A Menu Item at Starbucks...

...but when glutenfreegirl mentioned on Twitter that Starbucks will be offering gluten-free Orange Valencia Cake with Almonds, I had to smile.

Ever since I learned that I am gluten-sensitive, the thought of any baked good that I can grab at an everyday store/restaurant is a bit o' excitement.

Shedding a Little Light

On my Examiner.com blog, I wrote an entry about visiting The Mary McLeod Bethune Council House, a site that is run by the National Park Service. And I got some highlights into the blog post (like the fact that Ms. Bethune's house has chandeliers that once graced the White House), but I couldn't cram it all in there...

One story about her life exemplifies all those sayings about light casting out darkness.

At some point after she had started the small school that later became Bethune-Cookman College, Bethune did some campaigning for a "progressive" mayoral candidate in Daytona, FL. (Progressive meaning that this candidate was in favor of allowing African-Americans to be educated in public schools.)

A certain white supremacist group (wsg) wanted her to stop canvassing for this candidate. The tour includes a movie about Bethune's life and it is implied that she was likely aware that the wsg wanted her to stop, but she did not.

So the wsg arrived at the school and managed to shut off the electricity to the school's outside lights. Bethune's female students panicked. (The school was all-girls originally and it seems this happened before the school became co-ed.)

Bethune told the girls to turn odd all of their inside lights. She then used generators to power the outside lights...and the wsg fled when flooded with light.

It's A Different World...

The Washington Post says that the Recession Has a Silver Lining for Class of '09 because some private colleges are increasing enrollment, but the New York Times points out the cloud: Colleges Accepting More Students Who Can Pay Full Fare.

I Went for Food and Got That, Plus Some Food for Thought

Last night, I went to a charity reception with a friend on a whim. She had heard about it from a friend of hers and really had very few details about it. She didn't even know who was sponsoring it. But since it was at a hot new restaurant that I wanted to visit, I thought why not? (Food is always an effective lure.)

I am glad I went because the (free!) chicken+waffles, ribs, and wine were most excellent. But I am also glad I went because I learned about a great non-profit that gets young men who are jailed as adults to read, write and think about a different way of life--

Free Minds Uses Books and Writing to Show Incarcerated Youth A Better Way

Clan of the Cave Men

I was in the grocery store and overheard two men who were stocking produce discussing the following:

"Yeah, now they got the greens all cut up in a bag, making 'em lazy."

"They cain't cook as it is..."

Girl, You Is a Woman Now

So Dora the Explorer is growing up and Tampax is getting real...

Some parents feel betrayed that Dora is going to be a tween, and like many "betrayals" it all comes down to money. If they thought there was a market for a thirty-something or octogenarian Dora, they'd make those too. As I said to someone else, at least the new tween Dora will be solving mysteries with female friends, not traveling around in some van with boys, a talking dog and strange snacks.

I actually felt more betrayed by "Princess" Dora, when they took her from being a spunky, adventuresome, problem-solving girl and morphed her into a long-haired, pouffy gown and tiara-wearing princess. What was that about? (Money.) If Disney was going to continue to parade out princesses, they thought why not make Dora into one too?

As for Tampax, it's interesting that they want to go snarky: Instead of being dressed in a flowy white dress and having a talk on the beach with your mother about the 'time of the month' or 'that not so-fresh feeling,' that wicked witch Mother Nature will show up with a red gift as you lounge on that beach in a white bikini.

Have we really come such a long way...one the one hand, they are keepin' it real about what a nuisance a period can be? On the other hand, if we are going to blame "Mother Nature," then that is still woman-bashing.

(And this isn't their first attempt, check out this Mariachi band period commercial)

Conversation with an Almost Three-Year-Old


Nearly 3: That's a lollipop.

Me: It's a necklace.

Nearly 3: I'm going to eat your necklace.

Everyone Wants to Jump in and Carpool on the Bandwagon I've Been on for Years

I just left church where the sermon was about the prodigal son, with the emphasis being placed on that wayward son. But when I came home and read the following opinion piece in The Washington Post, I could totally relate and started to feel a little like the scornful elder son...

I'm Not Buying Recession Chic

"The recession-chic advice isn't for the people who actually need it. It's for the people who put their summer homes on the market, not those who've lost the only home they had... And when it comes down to it, if you need to be told that packing your lunch saves money, you're probably not someone who needs to pack your lunch. So please don't pretend that you are. "

Recession on Refreshments?

Earlier this week, I went to a networking happy hour that is sponsored by an agency that specialized in outplacement for people who work in creative fields. I was happy to see that they had not ceased this happy hours due to the bad economy. The continuance of the happy hours did not mean that these event continued as they had in the past: the invite mentioned "light refreshments." Last year those words meant quesadillas and fried plantains, plus salsa chips and a one free drink for everyone. This year it meant salsa and chips, plus a free drink for the 25 people who cornered the guy who was not advertising the fact that he had 25 free drink tokens.

But tonight, I went to a happy hour sponsored by a newspaper. Now by all accounts, the newspaper industry is seriously hurting...but this happy hour had free tchotchkes and lots of and food from a rather top notch restaurant. And they were generous with the pizza and the mini burgers.
Go figure. Is this a smart investment or are they fiddling while Rome burns? Either way, the burgers were good.

Don't Forget Women's History Month!

Five No-Fuss (and Free) Ways to Celebrate Women's History Month

When Do You Break the Rules?

The other day I went to see Stars on Ice with a friend. The show began with a black and white film that has a voiceover featuring a woman with an regal, British accent talking about Art (or Aht, as she said it)...then the first skater came out in a loud colorful shirt and skated to a decidedly non-classical tune. As I watched all of these disciplined Olympians do backflips and shimmy in colorful costumes, I thought about a skater like Rudy Galindo.

Galindo had the audacity to do such things during Olympic competition and he was penalized for it, meanwhile all the skaters who adhere to the stuffy (and unofficial) guidelines, end up doing those same things when they retire and get on the ice show circuit.

Teacher, is that you?

I went to a screening of a film at Busboys and Poets, this really great at forward-thinking restaurant/bookstore/lounge/all around cool place to be. The film was touching and thought-provoking (Busboys and Poets Screens ARUSI PERSIAN WEDDING), but the highlight of the evening was when the waiter came back after swiping credit cards to tell one of the people at our table that she had been his fourth grade teacher.

Now, if you saw this woman, you'd hardly believe that she could have been the fourth grade teacher of someone who is old enough to be working as a waiter. Even though I know her age, I was still surprised.

Of course I had to tease her, since he had trouble understanding that we wanted him to swipe the cards of those who were paying that way and provide change for those who had cash, I asked what exactly had she taught him all those years ago...

Double Take

The other morning as I was in between sleep and something like wakefulness, I heard a commercial for some new flavors of a certain soft drink. At that time, all I thought about was the different flavors, marveling at all the ways they could come up with to shove sugar down our throats...

But the next day, I was slightly more awake and not just getting up when I heard the same commercial. During this listening, it occurred to me that this commercial might be some kind of pastiche* of The Vagina Monologues. They even called termed this 30-second beverage reverie, "The [Diet Soft Drink] Monologues." And the woman in the commercial, talked about how women weren't indecisive, they were open to the physics of various soft drink flavors (this is why we stock every flavor, you know, just in case).

Considering all that The Vagina Monologues stand for, should I be offended? Or just chalk it up to everyday capitalism?



*Nerd writer alert--I really love the word pastiche and rarely find the opportunity to use it in any meaningful way...

I am still grateful for mercy...

although on the same day that I got the official written notice stating that my tickets for minor moving violations were void because the officer did not submit the paperwork in the required 15 days...

I got a parking ticket.

Mercy

I tried to pay a ticket for a minor moving violation online and got this message:

The ticket you have entered has been voided because it was not submitted timely as required by District regulations. No payment is required. You will receive written notification of this action in the mail.

Around the World via the Kennedy Center Shuttle


From my Examiner.com blog--
Somali Rapper K'NAAN Draws a Large Crowd at Kennedy Center

"The Aughts Are Over"

I heard some well-dressed young men on the train discussing this...mourning the ends of the aughts.

"Next year will be 2010."

I didn't know young men thought of such things.

The Shadow Knows

Last night I was on the phone with friends as the Oscars began and one of them took one look at the set and said, "It looks like a game show." She felt this was a sure sign of things to come. And she was right. To put a plug in for one of my favorite literary devices: the look of the set foreshadowed the many Oscars that Slumdog Millionaire would take home.

This sends my mind in two distinct directions--

Snarky: So does this mean that we will see Backyard Bollywood Billionaire and slew of other Slumdog imitators in the next few years?

Serious: How are thing things that are happening in my life right now foreshadowing what is to come?

In Place of Our Regularly Scheduled Programming...

I really do have some brilliant thoughts and most excellent ponderings to share with you--but they are not quite formulated yet, and I'm running late. So in the meantime, check out my writings about the brilliance of others:

Edward P. Jones and Panel Discuss The Known World

Celebrate Black History Month with Music That Crosses Borders

*Therapy Not Included

Last month when I traveled to San Diego, I went to the Sarah's Smash Shack. A place where you can go into a booth and break plates, glasses, etc. while wearing protective equipment and listening to the music of your choice. (If you bring your own mp3 player; if not you can select from what they have.) When you finish, they sweep up the broken pieces and they go to artists and others who will re-use the fragments of your frustration in some creative way.

Anyway, on the plane ride back, the business-man type who sat next me on the plane struck up a conversation. He was traveling to scout out houses because he was relocating, to Denver, I think.

So when he asked me what I had done in San Diego, I mentioned Balboa Park and the Smash Shack.

After I'd explained what it was, he turned with a bloodthirsty look and asked, "Can you go in there with your spouse?"

Sigh

As you probably know, you do not have to directly experience violent or unsettling things to feel worn out by them. When you mix the things you hear about with the things you actually experience, it gets to be tiring.

This past week I...

-Heard that a young pop star had been beaten up
-Went to a forum on the crisis in the Sudan.
-Saw an unexpectedly violent puppet show
-Read about a plane crashing near my hometown
-Read about a man beheading his wife near my hometown
-Got into strange disagreements
-Saw a car on fire

The National Zoo Talks Animal S-E-X

So sad, even I have been reduced to using those three letters to get people to read my stuff:

Woo at the Zoo: Let's Talk About Sex

I'm thinking this will be one of my more well-read posts.

The Crisis in Darfur and Sudan REALLY is a Crisis...Some of This Other Stuff, Not So Much

I'm back from a forum about the crisis in Darfur and the Sudan as a whole. I learned A LOT and thinking about the atrocities that have taken place there helps make some things that I am unhappy about seem really small.

Out of Exile: Enough Project Present Forum on Darfur and Crisis in Sudan

Dave Eggers (author of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, What is the What) was there and one woman stopped her own question to ask the panel to excuse the interruption so she could say that Dave Eggers rocked and it was great to be there with him.

Sista Prez Does it Again



I was happy to learn that the President of my alma mater is now going to be the new director of the Smithsonian National Museum of African Art--

Johnetta Cole Named Director of Nat'l Museum of African Art

She was the first African America woman to be president of Spelman College, an historically black college for African American women.

High Profile Case Shines Spotlight on Domestic Violence

Last night, I was on Twitter and read a throwaway remark about Chris Brown and Rihanna being something like Ike and Tina Turner. Since I wasn't up on the latest at that point, I didn't want to jump to conclusions about what that meant.

Well, I could have taken a flying leap because that person had explained all in rather callous shorthand: Chris Brown Charged, Arrested After Alleged Rihanna Assault.

That makes me very sad.

Increasing Domestic Violence Really Scary

Domestic Violence Hits Home (Again)

New Math

So the first part of this winter has been the winter of my discontent (wait--don't I say that every winter?), but I hope the rest will be much better.

Part of my discontent included doing something I don't think I've ever done before--losing a library book.

And, this is rich, I lost that book, one of those Jane Q. Public-friendly tomes on economics, by leaving it at the bank. That'll learn me to try to brush up on economics.

So after looking for it everywhere (including the bank's lost and found), I gave it up for gone.

I went to the library to confess and was told I'd have to pay for it. That, plus I owed 80 cents in late fees for a different book (I doubt that I've lost a book before now, but my saintliness doesn't mean I always turn them on on time.)

They didn't take cards, so I couldn't pay for the lost book. And since the library cash register was down, they could only take exact change, so I couldn't pay the fine because I didn't have eighty cents.

Before I had been called up, the young woman who was ahead of me had been told to step aside to fill out an application for a library card.

To my great surprise she, a perfect stranger, offered up the eighty cents to cover my fine. Someone who didn't even have a card yet and had a clean record was covering my late fees.

So, go figure: 1 lousy winter and 1 lost library book + late fees = 80 cents of undeserved favor. (Although, since undeserved favor cannot be measured, that 80 cents adds up to a lot more.)

Catch Me If You Can...

It is great when I can post links to stuff I've written, but sometimes I write for pubs that do not put their content online and then you actually have to go a buy the magazine itself.

This month I interviewed DC power couple Morris and Jaci Reid for UPTOWN magazine

A review I wrote of Kinky Gazpacho appears in Fall issue in Mosaic Literary Magazine.

And an article I wrote on the NAACP Youth & College Division's "Vote Hard Bus Tour" appears in the Winter 2009 issue of The Crisis Magazine.

She's Got Legs...And She Knows How to Use 'Em

Last night when my niece,who was sitting in the chair next to me, hopped up from the table, I took that opportunity to put my legs up in said chair.

She returned to asked me in her curious, but also accusing way why women always do this. "You are just like my Mom," she said. " She does the same thing--whenever somebody gets up she puts her legs in the chair!"

A woman's work is never done, so if she she's the opportunity for a bit of rest, she should grab it.

Instead of really breaking it down to her, I answered in the cryptic way that tired adults do: "When you're a woman, you will understand," I said.

Extra! Extra! Read What's Left of It...

While most of the newspaper-y world is dismayed over the demise of The Washington Post's Book World, I am still in mourning for the Post's now-defunct Sunday Source section.
In part because I used to write for it, mostly because I miss reading it.

Don't Have a Cow, It's Just a Name


On the very first inside page of the Express paper yesterday, I read that boys with names like Ernest or Ivan are more likely to commit crimes, while those who are named David or Michael far less likely to become criminals.

Then a few pages later, I read that cows with names like Daisy, Gertrude or Buttercup produce milk that cows with no names.

Is there any correlation? If you name your son Gertrude will he be more productive? Is a cow named Ivan more likely to kick over a bucket of freshly-squeezed milk?

These studies are all well and good, but they look for patterns that may or may not exist. It is likely that cows with names like being called by these names and maybe treated more affectionately, so they produce more.

The name article about humans concluded that it is not only names, but also household income and being raised by a single mother that make a boy more likely to be criminal. The study said it found this to be true whether the kids were black or white...but I just feel that they picked names like "Ivan" and "Ernest" for examples to try to avoid being accused of being stereotypical, since technically, someone from any background could give their kids these "uncommon" names.

Even the Freakonomics guy was doubtful: Do Uncommon Names Turn Kids Into Criminals?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Sometimes when you're not looking for a little respect, you might still get some.

I was on the train in a quiet spot towards the back reading my newspaper, when a gaggle of teenage boys entered. And I felt quite curmudgeonly because all I could think about was how noisy and annoying they were, but I tried to keep a straight face so my inner frowning wouldn't show.

I listened to their conversation for a few seconds and then decided to tune them out. One really doesn't have to keep up with the young people all the time. There is a fine art to being somehow alert and yet still concentrating on what you are reading. When I don't practice this, I nearly miss my stop if I'm reading something good.

At some point, I heard one of them recite song lyrics where each line ended with "like a b*tch." Again, I tried not to frown too much. But this did cause me to become more alert.

"Yo, son, yo."

I looked up to see one of them shifting his eyes towards me.

The boy right in front of me turned and looked sheepish. I waved my hand. His friends laughed. And he said, "Hello."

"Hello. How are you?" I replied, sounding like a school marm.

"Good." he said. And he and his friends grinned and then went back to their conversation. They eventually started to discuss the differences between "n*ggas and females" and how they hated when "females" who wouldn't talk to them when they were alone started calling them out and got bold when traveling in groups.

So the lyrics I heard weren't great and those boys won't stop listening to them or using the term "female" as if it described a lower species...the fact that they can show a small amount of deference tells me that all hope is not lost.

Spin Doctor

There was a kid in the grocery store today explaining to his mother why eating Coco Puffs (presumably with milk) good for him: "They have lots of calcium and vitamins..."

I'll Show Them, I'll Watch TV on the Internet (sO tHeRe!)

So I just read that the Senate has passed a bill that would delay the Digital TV Transition and keep us in analog mode a few months longer.

Last fall, I wrote about the transition to digital television and my converter box experience.

Eventually, I was able to get it all up and running...but this did not last. After a couple of months, my television would only tell me that it had no signal.

I hate to be a conspiracy theorist, but since this loss of signal occurred just as the Christmas shopping season started, I had to wonder if something had been scrambled as a way to "encourage" people to buy brand new televisions...but then I thought, "Nah." I'm probably one of a few early birds who set it up way before the original D-Day in February. Still, my box refuses to convert and I'm back to analog. If it still won't work whenever they decide to make the switch, I'll just watch Netflix, network websites and Hulu.com.

I Wonder as I Wander

Why is it that people always stop and ask me for directions when I'm on vacation? I guess I look like I belong...Anyone who knows me knows how often I get lost at home, so this seems rather odd. Not only do I look like I know where I'm going when I'm out of town, I blend in so well, I get mistaken for an employee. In a gift shop, someone asked me if I worked at the place before ringing me up...presumably to give me the employee discount.

Speaking of wandering...on my flight out, the crew created an elaborate ruse to keep an 11-year-old guessing about our destination since the trip was a birthday surprise from her mother. Every time they made an announcement, they referred to various tropical locations ("We are now 2000 feet above Barbados." "As we make our descent into Puerto Rico...") I was glad to be going where I was going, but hearing the names of all these other places while half asleep on the early morning flight, made me wonder if I wasn't going to some island and sort of wish that I really were.

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Declaraciónes de Amor

Yesterday, as I got off of the train, I saw a young man eyeing a young woman appreciatively. His half smile told me that he was sure to declare himself and not just walk by.

"Shut the f*ck up," he said.

"You shut the f*ck up," she replied.

"Before I take that [?] from you," she added.
(Ah, they know each other and have performed these courtship rituals before.)

Later, as I walked down the street I heard a woman yell, "I'm not picking you the f*ck up!" And then a child whimpered.

Maybe it was the same young woman, declaring a maternal love as she had earlier declared romantic love. Love is in the air.

Brown Delivers...and Here is How You Can Help

There was a knock on my door and it was UPS. The delivery man looked tired and that is understandable, but the rest of the exchange was not.

-He complained that my package was too heavy.
-He asked if anyone else could help.
-Then he asked me if I wanted a pair of gloves.

I understand that the package was quite heavy and I know that
it is not fun to carry things up more than one flight of stairs...
and yet, I do not work for UPS, so there was not need for me to use any gloves.

"Art and ring pops--just what I need!"

I am running late (surprise!). So to find out who said that and why, I refer you to another blog that I write:

Roller derby, ring pops, and art--oh my!

Networking: Fact and Fiction

This morning I read in the Washington Post about a study that concluded that a lack of networking hinders black women.

And then I turn on Ugly Betty, where Betty blows off a networking session since it was "casual" and didn't seem all that important. This season Betty is attending Y.E.T.I. (Young Editors Training Institute), a training program for editorial assistants who want to get ahead.

Betty gets lessons in networking from snarky Mark and Amanda--they weren't exactly the best tutors, but she gets a push in the right direction. And that is something that many women of color don't get. Plus, Betty feels torn between her family and her career--something that starts long before you make it to the top.

I attended something similar-the Columbia Publishing Course-when I had a starry-eyed dream of being a book editor. We had "Sherry Hour" every night and I could hardly force myself to go. When I think now of the opportunities I missed...chitchatting with publishing royalty and classmates who would become publishing royalty...

But since I know that what's mine is mine, I cannot worry about all of that now. I did attend small group lunches and found other opportunities for networking that suited me more. And that is exactly what you have to do...but as the Washington Post article illustrates, first you need to know just how important it is that you do it.

Today's To Heck in a Handbasket Report:

Exhibit A-
The country and the world are a hot mess, Congress is just getting back to work and one our beloved statesmen has already asked for time off...to watch an "historic" football game. Nevermind that the session he wanted to miss is the same one where they certify the Electoral College so Barack Obama can be president...

Florida Congreesman Cliff Stearns asks Nancy Pelosi for Football Break

Exhibit B-
Someone I know on Facebook just used his status message to announce his sadness over the impending separation of a recently married couple we know. Compassion is good...spilling the beans online...not so much.

In other news:
Soup. It's what's for dinner.

My Very Own Best/Worst List

The time for best/worst lists is almost ending, but I still have a bit of time to slip this one in...

The Worst
These are the worst places to go expecting quality work and decent customer service, or if you want to put a more positive spin on it, the best places to go if you would like to lose money and time and be treated as if you are less than dirt.

Longwood Management, LLC

All Star Fence & Construction, LLC
I haven't written about All Star before, but I think of them often as I run the gauntlet by having to dart through the parking gate they allegedly repaired at my condo before it closes on my car like the jaws of death. I also remember them fondly as I listen to the sound to the ill-repaired gate dragging against the concrete because my condo faces the parking gate.

As expected, they are loathe to actually finish the job, being no-shows for follow-up and citing trumped-up technicalities in the contract to explain why they bear no responsibility for the screeching, ill-timed gate.

Ytic

The Best
Conversely, here are the best places to let the management know that you have a complaint because it will likely be resolved to your satisfaction and amazement.

Landmark E Theaters

Cosi

Snuggie: An Enigma Wrapped in a Mystery

While I was home last week, I saw all of these commercials that I don't see so much at home. I don't know if it is because I don't watch that much TV or if it is because I don't have cable or because no one sends away for things in this part of the country...but I realized that I had not been given the opportunity to pay $19.99 or $29.95 to send away for a product that will change my life.

Nothing has really changed (in fact, some products like the Bedazzler, are now available again) except that now they add a charge for "Processing and Handling" instead of the "Shipping and Handling" charges I remember from childhood. As you know, "processing" is much more sophisticated and a much more believable charge than "shipping."

Just the other day on Facebook, someone was talking about a product that had me cracking up laughing when I first saw it: Snuggie. What is a snuggie? I'm glad you asked. Why it is a money-saving, life-altering blanket with sleeves of course! Snuggie has taken on a life of its own, inspiring a cult of Snuggie and at least one parody.

To me, it looks like a Star Trek costume, but who am I to judge? I have yet to design a garment that can make anyone's life easier...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The Cup Had a Face
TV Time with My Own Media Analysts

I was with my nieces watching TV the other day and there was some show on for kids that was attempting to explain "dark" as in "dark humor." I remarked on this and my 9-year-old niece calmly explained that it would have made more sense to me if I had seen the show from the beginning.

When it switched to a scene where they were making chocolate milk in cartoon cup to explain "dark" as it relates to color (which is different from dark humor--to me they were trying to cover a lot of ground), my 2-year-old niece had a strong reaction.

"That's nasty," she said with disdain. "That cup had a face."

This was surprising because these days everything imaginable, be it animal, vegetable or mineral, talks, walks and has a song to sing.

In the very next scene a mop was telling us something. My older niece was excited to see the talking mop, saying that she thought it was cute how the mop strings made up this creature's hair. I looked at my younger niece and said, "The mop has a face."

But she was not at all interested or even offended. Apparently, only dishware should be seen and not heard.

You Never Know: The Mid-Life Anti-Crisis Edition

Having just returned from ye old homestead, I have to say that as much as we all say "you never know" ...well, you really never know.

There wasn't any unexpected news from my peers. Some people got married, had kids, some are in back in school, some aren't, etc., etc.

The real surprises came from people who were older than me, like a former boss and a former teacher.

An old (and rather unscrupulous) boss is now an evangelist. My father said she started discussing scripture with him when he ran into her last.

And one of my teachers who used to organize yearly bus trips to a far away place...ended up marrying one of the bus drivers and moving to Prince Edward Island in Canada.

(And can I add that this just seems like a fairy tale ending for an Anne of Green Gables devotee, such as myself?)

Merry Christmas To You and Yours...

from me and the blue octopus with the striped scarf.

Let Me Upgrade You: The ever-so-exciting sequel to Up or Down

So as I was trudging through some work at the office with the interesting elevators that I mentioned last week, my supervisor came by to tell me to feel free to stop by the office Holiday party. I thought it would be pizza and pop.

Turns out it was an exquisitely catered affair with tablecloths and a tantalizing menu that included crab cakes, spinach pie, corn souffle, brisket, pumpkin cheesecake and tiny mice made of chocolate mousse, among other delicacies. Plus, there WAS a sketch artist to draw caricatures of staff, if they chose to sit for such a portrait.

The highlight of the afternoon was the door prizes. They gave away the mundane (t-shirts and the fabulous (40 hrs. vacation time, 2 free airline tickets). But then there was one rather odd offering: a one-way fare upgrade?!

Everyone paused and groaned at that one. And before someone trots out some saying about being grateful, let me just say that even the CEO who was calling out numbers for these prizes commented unfavorably on this "prize."

The unexpected upgrade of a free gourmet lunch seems better than a one-way fare upgrade...

Why Credit Cards are NOT Your Friends

Earlier this week, Michelle Singletary wrote a great article detailing just how it is that the credit card vampire manages to suck the life out of you:

Overcharged and Over a Barrel

And can I just add that those changes to credit card laws do not take effect until 2010, so they still have a year or so to siphon funds from us?

If you've already been to my Facebook page, then you'll see that I've posted this article there (in two different forms). But for those of you that are not on Facebook, check it out. (And, yeah I could link Facebook to my blog and Twitter, but I'm not doing that just yet.)

Up or Down? (Or miniscule minutiae about an office building)


I do temp and contract work around town and every office is a new and alien environment, while at the same time they are all very much the same in some form or fashion.

But I have to say that some things at my current gig threw me for a loop.

I once worked at a place where the toilets flushed automatically. And everyone who worked there remarked on how spoiled we all were--when we went to other public buildings, we kinda expected this task to be done for us, forgetting that we were not at the office.

Well, where I am now, not only do the toilets not flush--they expect you to make a decision about HOW to flush them. Bathroom visitors are instructed to lift the handle up for a "light load" or push it down for something a little more cumbersome. This was set up to save water.

But the soap and the water shoot out automatically, so at least that is done for you. Although, if the soap dispenser's motion sensor discovers your presence as you run your hands under the water, it will shoot soap at you just as you are trying to rinse it off.

The other systematic surprise for me in this building was the elevators. Traditionally, you can run to an elevator that is almost closing and make it in, especially if someone is kind enough to hold it for you.

But in this oh-so-smart building, that wouldn't matter. Why not? Because you have to press the buttons for the floor that is your destination on a numbered keypad (each floor does not have its own button) while you are outside of the elevator and wait for the electronic gizmo to tell you which elevator will take you there. (For a while, I couldn't figure out just how people knew which elevator would open, but then I saw the flashing lights telling me to take elevator A or B or C.)

As I'm writing this, I am thinking that smart buildings actually require a lot of thought on the part of the user. Not that I'm complaining, though. Enough of already sleepwalk through life as it is.

An Eye-Opening Experience (or Crank That Funky Music White Boy)
As an African-American who is fluent in Spanish, time and time again I surprise native Spanish speakers when I speak their language. And of course I refrain from getting all huffy with them, but in my mind I think huffy thoughts. There are plenty of people of African descent who are from Latin American countries, not that I am one of them, but still... And it isn't just me, of course-- I remember seeing a friend of mine who is black and a native of Honduras gets the same shocked reactions, even though she really is a Latina.

I thought about this the other day when someone surprised me in a similar way. I didn't express my surprise vocally, but I have to say I was thrown for a loop when a white, balding optometrist who had earlier told me about the many years he lived in Israel, casually made a reference to Soulja Boy that fit perfectly into the context of the conversation.

I'm Kind Tired: The Post in which I Refer You to Another Blog I Write

I'm sure I have something brilliant to share, but I am getting that end-of-the-year fatigue that tells me not to overexert myself.

I just posted a blog entry on Examiner.com about the National Christmas Tree. Check it out: Visit the National Christmas Tree.

Even if you are not close enough to visit the tree, the blog post includes a link to a slideshow of National Christmas Trees over the years (this year makes the 85th year for the National Christmas Tree tradition).

I'm going to get a little rest and I'll catch you later in the week.

The Frown that Garnered Three Free Meals

I went into Cosi the other day looking for some soup, but I came out with three free meals.

At first I started out at a hot dog stand, but when I peered in, no one was there, so I ended up at Cosi.

It was close to 2pm, so I thought the lunch rush would be over, but it was not. So first I had to fight to get someone's attention, since I wasn't ordering a sandwich and all of their attention was focused on people who wanted higher priced menu items.

Then I got the soup of the day, which was actually three bean chili, in a coffee cup with a coffee-drinking lid. This is where I'm sure a frown started to crease my brow. I was told that they were out of lids for the soup containers.
(As an aside, I'll say that I am usually afraid of chili, but I was so hungry that I forgot that irrational fear. Really, anything you eat at a restaurant could be a hodge podge of who-knows-what, but I still avoid chili.)

Soup comes with bread, which as a carbaholic, I do not need, but still wanted because I am entitled to it. I reminded the harried worker behind the counter of this. A different employee started to ask me what I wanted (White. I usually do the "healthy" thing and get wheat, but I didn't want multi-grain.) and at the same time the harried worker thrust some (multi-grain) bread in my hand. Meanwhile, I heard another employee ask someone if they wanted white or multi-grain.

"You know that's multi-grain," said the woman behind me. I looked at it, and rolled me eyes, resigned to my healthy multi-grain fate because I just wanted to get out of there. But then I thought better of it as asked for the bleached flour white bread because that is what I wanted.

When I got to the register, a manager, who I had seen chastising an employee about not using gloves to make a sandwich earlier, upped and grabbed by coffee container o'chili and disappeared.

"Forget it. I don't want it," I told the cashier. As it turns out the manager was trying to put the chili in the correct container, but I didn't want to be bothered by then.

This same manager reappeared and told me that she had something for me if I'd just wait a few minutes. I frowned, but since the cashier couldn't process the refund until another manager came to do whatever that special thing is that managers do, I was still there when she came back.

She gave me three cards for three free meals, prefacing this gift saying that she was sorry and that even if I didn't want to return to that Cosi, there were many all over town and here were cards for three free meals. That was very smart.

Although as a kid, they told me that frowning was bad and that it would leave lines on my face (which it does), it is still worth something. Really, I was tired, hungry and cranky, otherwise I'd have been more patient since they were so busy. But it is just as well that I wasn't.

When I walked back across the street, I found my appetite and the hot dog vendor, so I got Italian sausage with little hassle for half the price of the soup.

5 from 5-0

Earlier this week, they sent two cop cars, a police van and two fire trucks to get a mentally unstable (but apparently unarmed) flasher at a metro station near me. He had been acting up on a bus with some people who were at the station, and they told me that they had called the police.

When my neighbor was being beat within an inch of her life, no one came for hours...

Don't Sleep

Riding up the escalator on day last week, I saw that the teenage boy in front of me had a quote imprinted (stitched?) near the bottom of the leg of his jeans:

He who stands, lives. He who sleeps, dies.

Sunny Delight

This post is brought to you by the color yellow and the numbers 2,0,0, and 9.

And yes, I know Sunny Delight (the drink) isn't really yellow, but that is beside the point.

Fashion forecasters have deemed yellow to be the next "it" color for 2009. I find this confusing because wasn't yellow, this year's color to have? I have had the yellow leather shoes pictured above for years, but when I noticed that yellow was really in this past year, I wore them more often.

But now I have learned that it was actually a specific shade of blue that was in this past year. This is good because I wear a lot of blue, although I can't say that I actually wore the correct shade.

I cannot even pretend to understand the complicated mechanisms of fashion forecasting. There are only so many colors, so something that you're wearing will be in the rotation at some point.

Yellow has been given this honor because we all need cheering up. So when the economy is down, we need to brighten up with happy colors like yellow. I'm certain no one wants to spend next year in the red. Might not be bad to be in the black though.

The Greatest Gift of All

Last month a friend of mine posted a message on Facebook, asking people to donate to a food pantry for his birthday in lieu of buying gifts, going to happy hour, etc. etc.
I thought this was a very noble gesture.

Unfortunately, I am not going to follow in this selfless person's footsteps.

Instead, for my birthday, I ask that you help out my favorite charity: Me.

As a gift to me, will you meander over to my Cultural Events Blog at Examiner.com?. Read a few posts and leave a comment if you are so moved.

Even if you don't live in DC, you still may learn somethin'.

Three on a Match

I read about this pre-Code film in this Girls, Meet Gotham article that came out about the same time the Sex and the City movie made its grand entrance. I was intrigued and put it on my Netflix and finally got around to watching it.

Because it was made in 1932 before Hollywood's morality police took over (imagine that--there was time when they were policing morality in Hollywood, Three on a Match flouts convention and gets away with it. It shows and alludes to people, (and more specifically women) doing things they shouldn't and they are not always punished. True, the woman in the trio who leaves her husband does come to a gruesome end, but if you look at her entire story, this goes against convention.

Of the three friends, two (Vivian and Ruth) were straight arrows, while the Mary, who hung upside down on the jungle gym showing boys her underpants, smoked cigarettes behind the school, and spent time in reform school, winds up married to a rich lawyer. (Mary gets the Vivian's lawyer husband after Vivian leaves him for a shiftless acquaintance of Mary's.)

The polar opposites, the good-girl-gone-bad Vivian and bad-girl-gone-good Mary, go through dramatic changes. Middling Ruth works hard in school, works hard at her job, and in the end gets to be a nanny to the child Vivian abandoned, while Mary becomes lady of the manor by marrying the husband that Vivian abandoned.

Vivian seems to be the one most punished because she shows signs of depression before running off. It is clear that she repressed her authentic self to follow the dictates of society and then went off the deep end when she couldn't take it anymore. Mary spent her early days, living life to the fullest and did suffer some. Her exuberance gets tempered, but she never loses her joi de vivre.

This goes against the cultural norm that says that it is better to sacrifice yourself. Mary sacrifices little and gains much in the end.