Bottom of the Ninth

Well, not quite, but it was late and I wanted to get home when I stopped for a newspaper. Since I don't get the paper delivered anymore, I only buy the Sunday paper and read the rest online.

Today I was out and about all day and felt it would be foolish to get a paper that I probably wouldn't have time to read today nor during the upcoming week. Still, something told me to get a paper, knowing I'd have little time to read it.

As it turns out, an article I wrote that was slated for the following week ran today.

Ah, the wisdom of listening to that little God-given voice, even when it seems like human reason should drown it out.

Root, Root, Root for Three Home Teams

Know Your Worth

A local DJ was offering $5000 to any listener who could get ex-Gov's Spitzer's friend "Kristen" to call his show before it ended.

Um...anyone who could do that would:

a) probably not need $5000

b) know that being able to provide that service is worth a lot more than $5000

Work/Life Balance

Today I turned in a baseball-related article and today someone threw me a curveball.

It all evens out in the end.

Enter Ye Through the Narrow Gate

Or maybe not...

I just looked out of the window to see two little boys attempting to squeeze through the bars of an iron fence. When that didn't work, they just ran in through the open gate.

Officespeak 101 or the "Me" in Meeting
In which our heroine learns the lingo

If someone tells you that "an electronic production meeting has been sent" that means that they have sent you an e-mail with instructions.

He Said/She Said

I recently had to consult with a business owner and her son for a article I wrote recently. Because I spoke with them separately, I got very different accounts...

Business Name
He said:
Inspired by outdoor facility
She said:
Inspired by God


Family Business History
He said:
Uncle had farm
She said:
Father and grandparents had restaurants

Good Gates Make Good Neighbors

I was chit-chatting with a guy who lives in NoVa and I said something about my building's electronic gate.

"Gate?" he says. "I didn't think they had gates over there."

I live in Southeast DC, not the wild, wild west. Of course we have gates!!

Who needs gates more than people who live in one of the worst parts of the city?

Religious Recession?

From Express:

"The U.S. religious marketplace is extremely volatile, with nearly half of American adults leaving the faith tradition of their upbringing to either switch allegiances of abandon religious affiliation altogether..."

I know these days churches talk about marketing and there is a push for them to be more business-like, but stock market language really cannot be applied to everything.

Spirituality isn't a commodity you can buy, sell, and trade.

I'm Melting!

I am serious student of the comics. And I've noticed that lately some of the old favorites are finally catching up to modern times...when Dagwood and that little boy from next door talk about iPods, you know something is up. But there was one comic that you could count on to remain stuck in the old days, until now...

Road Trippin'

I have a Road Trip article in the Washington Post's Sunday Source (2.24.08)

Check it out:

In Step with Jane Austen: A Novel Tour

It's cool and it's hot

It's funny the things that just pop into my head...

I profile restaurants for a local newspaper and I was trying to think of some way to describe something I'd eaten recently. For some reason the McD.L.T. came to mind. Don't ask me why. I barely remember that it existed. There are certainly more memorable sandwiches, but the thought of it hovered above me like a thought bubble in a cartoon.

So you know I had to Google it and I found this gem-a commercial starring someone who would become famous for his role in a sitcom about nothing.

Some of the hairstyles and clothes are coming back in altered forms.

Singing about food and dancing in the streets never goes out of style.

Getting a Lift

I was in an elevator when a woman got in and said "Three, please."

I was busy fiddling with my bags to assist, but a man who stepped in at the same time obliged.

When the elevator stopped on the third floor and the doors opened, well all stood there from what seemed like a while (though it couldn't have been more than 10 seconds).

"Oh, that's me," the woman said and made her exit.

I had pressed 5 when I got in and the man hadn't pushed a button for himself.

"This is you," he said when the doors opened on the fifth floor.

After last time, he wasn't taking any chances.

It Takes a Man to do a Man's Job

I'm watching an Oprah show with a matchmaking expert who expounded upon her "pickle jar" theory: that women are so used to doing things for themselves that they don't ask men to do anything.

Her advice: If you're alone, open the jar yourself. But if a guy is there, it is just as easy to ask him to do it.

This woman really does have some insight, but I have to laugh and play devil's advocate for a moment. The last time I asked a guy to help me open something, not out of any pretense, but because I really could not open it, he said: "It looks like you've got it."

So yeah, women need to leave room for men to be men, but if you leave that room and he doesn't want to be bothered, then just leave.

Splat!

This is for Brian who popped out of his cubicle like a whack-a-mole creature to ask about the blog.

Sticks and Stones

The other day a gentleman tried to get my attention as I walked down the street. He did not speak to me directly, but instead said something in my ear as he rushed past me. I barely knew he had spoken, but no matter. the fact that I didn't reply was proof enough that I was set on ignoring and disrespecting him.

He began to yell back over his shoulder at me. "I SAID Hello!!!"

Normally I ignore this sorts of thing--there is no need for me to get stabbed in the eye by some lunatic. But for some reason that day I was annoyed enough to yell back. I don't even know what I said. Something about talking to people and not whispering in their ears.

Then I went into Starbucks. The older man and his daughter who had witnessed all of this also went into Starbucks.

I got in line and perused the front page of a newspaper. Lo and behold the "gentleman caller" also decided to patronize Starbucks. "What did you say?"

"It was nice meeting you. Goodbye." Then I returned to my paper.

He paused and then made ready to hurl his insult. "Nerd," he said as if I were a truly despicable creature.

Obviously,during our brief encounter, he had managed to look inside my soul. But, is that any way to treat your true love?

I threw my head back and laughed, as the older man stared.

Kiss of Death

The Washington Post ran an article about a kiss-in in South Africa where youths protested what they saw as overly strict laws about physical interaction involving kids under 16.

The laws were put in place to prevent molestation, statutory rape and to see to it that no one took advantage of young people who are developmentally challenged.
The idea was not to prosecute consensual acts of affection, although technically, that could happen.

As with most laws, you start out trying to do good in one way, but do harm in another. Or create further havoc with some odd loophole that no one could have imagined

Teenagrs mobilized on FaceBook to rise up against this injustice of this law that could prevent them from kissing.

But here is the funniest part: the perceived unfairness of the law based on the fact that the teenage years are the best ones for kissing because once you get "old", all bets are off:

"We're young. We need to experiment," Natalie Winston, 12, said before the protest here. "When you're 21, you're old already, and ugly."

Read the whole article here.

Feliz Navidad

I hear this song no matter what type of radio station I tune into...

the Urban (read: black) Gospel station
the Christian Contemporary (read: white) station
the Latin music station
the top 40 station
the R&B station

Could this be the song that unites us all?

The Early Bird Gets...

How often have you left the movie theater and felt like what you just saw lacked substance? Often enough, I'm sure.

About a month ago, I had that experience, not because the movie was badly written or had terrible acting, but because no one bothered to show up to show the movie.

After I and other hopeful moviegoers got up early to get to the Landmark-E Street Cinema one Saturday morning, no one in management bothered to appear. Two junior employees came, but they had no access to the systems that control the cash register or ticket dispenser and they could not show any movies. We waited, but there was nothing they could do.

A third employee who had phone numbers for the managers arrived and started to make calls. This employee could show movies, so they offered to let us see "No Country for Old Men" for free. But by then I was tired and annoyed, so I went home.

I'm Not in Kansas Anymore

So I've moved into a new 'hood and things are a little different.

Today I went to the store and looked for bagels in the bakery section.
All the bagel bins were labeled except one and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what kind of bagels were in that bin. There was a possibility that they could be onion, and nothing would ruin my breakfast like discovering I'd purchased an onion bagel.

I stopped an employee who was heading my way from the back and asked if she knew.

"No," she said. "There is only one way to find out."

And with that, she picked up a bagel and broke into halves. She gave me one half and told me to taste it. I tried it. It wasn't onion.

"It looks like it might be plain," she commented. Apparently I had been mislead by the flecks on the outside. The bin above these bagels said "New York" and those bagels looked smooth.

Then she tried her half. "Fresh," was her pronouncement. Then took her half and went on her way.

In my old 'hood, all of the bagels would have been labeled, leaving no room for doubt. And no employee would have ever split a bagel with me for any reason.

I was left with a bagel half that I hadn't paid for but wanted to eat. I felt a little guilty--what if someone saw me? Would I look like one of those people who just eats stuff in stores? I hid the bagel half as a security guard walked past me. Who'd believe that I'd been given a taste test?

Then I thought that a child saw the quarter of a bagel that remained and gave me an envious look.

By the time I got to the fruit section with a bagel eighth and saw a woman munching on grapes, and not employee in sight. I figured if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Shortchanged

I am used to hearing about how waitstaff at restaurants work hard only to find that uncaring customers leave them no tip. In a book I read unruly teenagers even left coins as a tip in the bottom of a milkshake glass. They laughed at the thought of their waitress having to fish down into the glass to get the much-needed money.

So while my recent experience does not compare, I have to say that I didn't expect to find myself stiffed by a waitress.

After a quick lunch, I returned the check with a bill that was more than the amount. The waitress asked if I wanted change, and I said yes. The service has been all well and good, but not getting change meant giving her an tip that was over 30% of the bill. I tip, but I wasn't feeling that generous.

She returned the check to the table and I didn't open it right away because I was typing away on my laptop. When I did open it, I was surprised to find two dollar bills and no receipt.

Now I had an idea of what the amount was, but did not remember exactly. And without a receipt, how could I be sure? I just knew that I had not been given all of my change. So when I approached her to point out that a) I had no receipt and more importantly b)she hadn't given me all of my change, she muttered some feeble excuses about making a mistake in rounding.

Maybe it was an "honest" mistake, I really don't know. I do know that a bigger tip comes by giving better service, not by skimming off the top.