Proceed with Caution

Every language has those polite little oddities--
expressions that can mean nothing or signify danger ahead.

Phrases such as:

"If you don't mind I'll..."

"Do you/Would you mind if I..."

Let's say, for instance, you are working in an open office and someone says,

"Do you mind if I take off my shoes?"

As is often the case in these situations, the person will engage in the aforementioned act without waiting for a reply. Asking is merely a formality.

Then, let us suppose, there is a second person present, who seeing the action of the first, decides to follow suit. This second person need not bother with asking rhetorical questions, seeing as how their predecessor did not meet with any objection.

Now, if you were to add the consumption of foods such as sardines and pork rinds to the equation, the situation could become very dangerous indeed.

A Danish By Any Other Name

First it was "freedom fries", "freedom toast", and perhaps even the "freedom kiss".
Now we have "Roses of the Prophet Muhammed".

I read that in Iranians must no longer ask for a "danish", but they must refer to the pastries by the aforementioned name.

Yeah, I kinda rolled my eyes when I heard the outcry against the French allegedly resulted in an end to french manicures and that the streets of DC were flowing with french wines out of protest.

If only it was just about renaming baked goods...people are dying and in the streets and it is blood, not wine being spilt.

Peas in a pod

My Valentines Day surprise came 25 minutes after Valentines Day when my NYC cop cousin called at 12:25 am (from the squad car) to say, "Hey, I forgot to call you on Valentines Day. Are you asleep?" Uh...yeah.

It really is the thought that counts.

And some thoughts make more sense than others.

When I read that some couples in China are getting matching plastic surgery, I wondered what they were thinking. A woman quoted in the article said that her boyfriend thought it was a great idea and now they have matching noses.

Tattoos are one thing, and those who have had to go in and get a name turned into a rose or a teddy bear can tell you that they paid dearly for thinking they wanted to preserve someone's name on their skin...but actual matching body parts?
I have no problem with the way I look, but this look is not for everyone, and most certainly not for my significant other. When they say that the people in your life are a reflection of you it means their personality, the person on the inside.
This does not mean you need to make that evident on the outside, too.

Then I read another article that said that people who are together a long time start to look alike. We needed a scientific study for that? I used to hear people say that all the time. So why get butchered, when you can just hold out until it happens naturally?

Who Gets Top Prize?


As a movie I was attending began, the audience heard a familiar sound--a ringtone.
(And it was not that cutesy pre-movie public service announcement where the phone rings as Native Americans hunt buffalo.)

The next sound, however, was not familiar. One of our comrades in the audience yelled out, " Turn off your f%^&*ing phone!!!"

We all laughed.

I thought about this later...was anything really funny? But what I forgot was that there a thing called nervous laughter. The man who yelled sounded so hostile, that collectively, the rest of us probably decided to break the tension by laughing.

I get as annoyed with cell phone use as the next person. And I don't like to hear cell phones ring at movies, funerals, weddings, or any of the many other occasions that usually require you to focus on the people/events present, rather than entities that are absent.

Still...which pollutes more: the cell phone ring or someone's angry, expletive-laced reaction to it?